To my self from 2016 Hello, I am very proud of you and I'm sure he was as well. You've been through a lot lately, and exceeded everyone's expectations at the same time. Now, dad is gone and he'll never know. You never realized it until now, but your whole motivation to power through was rooted in your desire to make him proud. Don't lose your drive, make yourself proud. It might look like everything's in the bag, but there are things down the road that you're not aware of and your plans might be quite flawed. Also, don't waste your time trying to befriend people who don't really care about you and who you don't really care about yourself, if you're honest. Remember that you already have friends - and they are good ones, too. Friends, that know you really well. They will be able to handle knowing you that tiny bit better. While you're at it, google "high functioning depression" and "complex trauma". That'll save you...